The one that stayed with me.

I’d been walking for what felt like days. Really, it had been 2 hours. The sun was just starting to rise, the morning dew glistening in the breaking sun. Fuck, it was cold. Take me back to the warmth of last night - the fire or the single malt. Hard to say which did more.

I made my way to the edge of a large field, scouring the hedgerows with my binoculars for any signs of life. Nothing. On to the next field. Nothing. And the next, and the next. I was about to call it a day and return to the haven of the B&B, more importantly the fire. Something made me carry on, call it intuition, or stubbornness. I made my way through a small wood, heading back to the truck but still on the stalk. Slow and smooth, that’s the aim now. That’s when I saw it.

It wasn’t a prize buck, but it was a deer. It was going to be my first deer. If I could steady myself. I’d talked a good game the night before over whiskey; I was going to smoothly bring my sticks up, set my rifle on top, set the sights on the lungs, breathe, exhale, and send some lead down range. Did it happen like that? Not quite. I did bring the sticks up, set my rifle on top – though my hands were shaking. This is when the problem began. I couldn’t see the deer through the scope. I took my head away, there it was - about 50 metres away. Back to the scope, nothing. I was starting to panic; I could feel the moment slipping away from me like a wave of sadness. Then it hit me - I’d left the scope dialled way in. I quickly dialled it back, there he is. I could finally see the buck in all his beauty.

I took what felt like minutes to steady myself. Big breath in, slow exhale. At the pause I gently pulled the trigger. He dropped. I gave it 5 minutes to make sure he was fully down. The 50 meters felt like a marathon; I just wanted to get there and see him. There he was. Beautiful and majestic. I knelt next to him, soaking it all in. There can only be one first stalk.

It’s funny, all these years later I can still feel the same emotions I felt in that moment, and I still struggle to put words to them. Euphoria. Accomplishment. Yes, but more. If you know, you know. If you don’t - there’s only one way to feel it.